As a 16 year old girl i had just graduated school and i had liked one guy who had told me that he never liked me that way , so i accepted that and i was on this chat site as was popular at that time , internet wan't that big but it was getting big .. so i tried all these chat rooms , i had found a few people to talk with, since i felt very sheltered switching from public school to private it was hard for me to talk to men.. i didn't know how .. and i was not going to ask my mom about how to talk to men..
As i spent a few hours each night on this chat site on my black and white new cell phone that took forever to load any pages.. i found this guy named David who was much older than me he was 25 and i had just turned 16.. we began to talk every night i felt like i had someone to talk to . about real life things.. finally someone who liked me for me.. He had lived in Montreal at the time with his adoptive parents and i lived still in my childhood home with my parents, and my sister. I tried to talk to my mom about how special he made me feel but she didn't trust that he was real or that he was good for me., i didn't understand at the time where she was coming from since i wasn't a mom yet i didn't understand her worries or her amount of love for me in case some guy took her little girl away .
I never kept secrets from my mom 99% of what i did in life my mother knew about.. didn't matter if she didn't agree with it.. or we fought about it .. she still knew everything in my life, we are not really mother and daughter we are best friends.. soul sisters. I continued to talk to this David guy for a few months until he asked me the biggest favor and that was if i could help him get to Calgary to start a new life.. and that he would move in with me and my family.. i asked my mother and since i was excited and fell head over heels with this guy my mom hesitantly agreed and payed the plane ticket for him on her credit card..
Fast forward a few months we were so in love, i was working days upon days and time began to slip away from me , i had my 18th birthday bash which was the best party that was ever thrown for me and through it all David was standing beside me partying it up.. we were enjoying life.. i felt like we were so young but he took me under his wing those first 6 months .. i gave me virginity to him .. I wanted to give it someone who loved me and appreciated me, i really felt at the time it was him.
Fast forward another few months..and then time got away from us .. we broke up a few times.. my sister had her little man when i was 18 and then i had my 19th birthday bash.. but but by this time.. i felt like me and David were drifting apart.. i felt like i was working 6 days a week and trying to get my career off the ground and since he was a bit older than me .. i believe that he wanted the same things as me.. i slowly was accepting this wasn't the truth.. i really wanted to believe in love and fantasy and weddings and babies but their was something in my soul that said i just didn't feel what he felt anymore.. i really wanted to live my life before settling down and i think so did he but he couldn't tell me..
We began to avoid each other he would go party with his friends.. and i would go party with my friends.. he was terrible at working and i loved work .. i worked 6 days a week and i was climbing up the chain as fast as i could run up the ladder.. but i didn't feel like he really wanted me anymore.. i felt like i gave him a chance to live in this beautiful city and he just kicked me in the face.. i was going to end it way sooner than things really went south.. but i just couldn't i really believed in him and i ... the fights got worse and more intense.. which scared me .. i had been bullied but this was much worse. My heart was letting go further and further at every fight..
I was now turning 20 and working at my 3rd store.. and running 3 more.. and then my team lead was telling me about her partying fun on the saturday that had passed.. and as i was listening she kept saying her best friends new boyfriend was pretty awesome.. he was funny.. she said he was bald but he was sexy .. my heart sank....... i said what is his name.. she said i think David or Dave.. my heart sank further.. it didn't click in that she had been talking about this guy for 3 months at her parties.. i put two and two together and figured out that he had been cheating on me for 3 months .. every night my team lead would talk about him i would mentally take note that my boyfriend had went out to party with him friends.. little did i know it was a whole car full of girls and his new girlfriend..
This was a moment in my life that really broke me to the core.. i spent another week trying to figure out what to say to him or how to end it.. i really thought well maybe i will give him a chance .. and then another chance.. how many chances am i going to give this guy... every night i came home from work he wasn't their.. So i finally got up the courage to tell him i knew what he had been doing for the last 3 months .. so he suddenly stopped coming home.. i would lay in my bed after work and cry and cry.. it hurt so bad.. he would connect with me on MSN but hardly come back to my house.. i felt extremely lonely .. I had given him a long long letter than explained that i knew what he did and i didn't want apart of it.. it killed me but for my happiness i had to let him go.. he read the letter right in front of me and he cried and i cried he begged and begged to stay but by this time he really made me so upset i really didn't care because i was so unbelievably hurt.
Earlier in our relationship i had engraved a silver promise ring for him.. and in the inside it said my name and his name and that i love you.. he took it off his finger and left it on my coffee table... i slept with that ring for months.. and the frame he had engraved me.. I really went back and forth of what did i want.. what did i need in life.. i really didn't know. I tried to be friends with my ex but watching his social media with other girls really hurt me.. and i really needed to let go.. Our friendship was terrible so we didn't speak for 3 years.. and suddenly one day he decided to come back to me and i was going to allow us to start something again even if it was just friends.. We had subs and then we went home and watched movies and talked and talked and talked it was a great moment to let go of all the pain..
But when he called me a few days later i got slapped in the face again when he told me he thought he had gotten 3 girls pregnant... turns out he only got 1 girls pregnant and the other two were just lying.. typical eh i really felt like what the hell.. so i again walked away and he went on his way he messages sometimes.. and i like that he keeps in contact.. He at this moment is over 35 and i am almost 30 .... life is very different now.. we have hashed out our differences.. their is no love their for a relationship we sorted that out many many moons ago... he is now a big brother for me.. he looks out for me.. and i watch his love for his daughter growing up and getting big and he watches me and my beautiful babies and husband who means everything to me.. I have found peace in the past.. and the first love i felt .. and how it ended.. i think so did he.. i forgive him and i hope he forgives me for my rage of anger when i found out he cheated for so long.. and my mean words..
I try everyday to better myself then the day before.. its not always easy.. and its not always easy seeing the fight from the other persons eyes. but its something i really try hard to do.. He is happy for me in getting married took me twice before i got it right.. but he is like the goofy uncle the kids think is funny.. He still sings and plays guitar beautifully like he use to when i was young.. but we are friends.. and good friends.. i know he will always love me as a friend and i will always do the same.. I hope he will find peace and love in the future.. and i am happy that i was a stepping stone in his life to be able to enjoy the time we had together.. it was a blast for the most part.. he made me laugh my guts out.. they say people come in to your life for many reasons.. he was just apart of the story that did his job whatever it was and i was able to set him free. I have no regrets.. i have no pain about the situation.. i have closed that book a long time ago.. i wish him and his daughter nothing but the best
Until next time
27 year old Mom of 3 under 5 (2 boys 1 girl), TTC baby #4, Married to my soul mate, Photographer, nail artist, amazon reviewer, fashion addict, Looking to make a postive impact on this world one story at a time. I am looking to inspire people with love and peace