I had just been in my horrible first marriage about 3 years by this point and i had just had our second son.. he was under 3 months when i officially left for the third time.. and i really didn't want to go back.. each time i had left i had dated 2 other people and i had broken their hearts going back to him and i hated it i hated myself.. but i felt like somehow i deserved going back.. but this time i was sick of it all.. and i wanted better for my boys.. i wanted to have children and i wasn't the only one who wanted them.. i wanted someone who didn't cheat on me.. abuse me.... be a drunk .. mentally unstable.. crazy family members or knew how to work.. instead of just getting in to drugs and hanging out with 18 year olds... since his own age.. just couldn't tolerate him..
Fast forward tanner turned 5 months.. and i felt beyond lonely , not saying that i needed a man to make me feel less lonely or complete my life but i was having some single fun .. and it was really complicated with kids.. and the drama.. some men didn't want to even come near me because they were scared of my ex.. he may seem like a really horrible person.. but in reality once you get to know him he is very insecure.. and wouldn't hurt anyone because he doesn't have the guts to.. i'm sure he has hurt many people in his life intentionally.. but none around me.. he just ignored them. and drank more at parties .. and cried to me at night..i know all of who he is.. and he is the biggest baby their could be out their.. so i really didn't want to try tinder i didn't want someone to judge having a one night stand based on one of my photos..
i didn't want to deal with that .. i will have another few story times about my horrible dates in between my husbands. . but that's for another blog.. so i decided to go on plenty of fish.. and of course i wrote my profile normal.. everything about me and just wanted friends.. well the first few weeks were hell.. men would bully me on how much makeup they thought i wore was to much.. women would bully me and tell me i was ugly.. people really hated me on their my first go around.. so i walked away i just had this feeling it wasn't the right time .. something told me to shut it down and walk away for a bit.. i tried casually dating this over 40 year old.. (HUGE MISTAKE) that's for another story time coming soon... I knew something was suppose to pop out and make feel so different than any other person on this planet but i just wasn't finding him and i felt like if he wasn't coming to let it go .. and let god take over.
Fast forward to when tanner turned 6 months.. i figured you know i really feel i should try this again... something told me it was the right time.. i can't tell you what but something told me to try again.. so with a heavy heart i tried again.. this time i got smart and wrote a million things on my profile.. i wrote everything i wanted.. everything i hated.. everything i wanted for my boys.. everything i wanted for my future.. i really nailed down everything and kept nothing a secret. I felt like if a guy wanted something serious he would take this seriously.. so this time men flooded my mailbox with messages.. most of them were looking for one night stand i weeded them out first.. and i would skip over the ones that i felt didn't matter.. since my biggest pet peeve was when a male would just send hi.. or how r u? i wanted somebody to swipe me off my feet.. kick me in the face and be like surprise i have been searching for you for so long .
One messaged i first glanced at and checked out their profile.. i liked him he was cute.. but since i didn't have much hope i checked his message and it said.. " I don''t read books" since my tag line on that site was "Don't judge a book by it's cover", So i really was like are you serious.. how horrible is this person.. hes got the whole package but kicked me in the heart just to be funny.. so i skipped it for the moment and thought well that doesn't sound serious.. i wanted serious.. i was seriously looking.. his profile said he was looking for serious to but didn't really act like it at first. Then as i looked and read other guys messages something in my head told me.. these guys don't matter go read the funny quirky guy again.. so i listened and i began this amazing conversation that it has been 3 years and it hasn't stopped yet.. he had pain in his life just like i had.. he wanted kids like i did and the biggest thing was that he had been around other children in his life so he knew how to take care of them.. My heart lept and i thought got these butterflies that consumed my whole body.. i really felt he was special.. no matter he might let me down i figured maybe he is interested.. i figured i would test him like every guy and i would take him to a high situation with my boys.. and see how he does.. because if he doesn't pass this test , well he isn't for me no matter how much i liked him..
We kept talking.. we messaged.. and messaged and messaged.. i fell for him before i even met him.. i kept him in the dark for about a few weeks.. and then i couldn't stand it anymore i said meet me.. it was the dead of winter and i picked him up at a gas station.. i figured it was a place where if their was problem and he was lying about who he said he was i could get away fast and their would always be people around.. As i pulled up in to the gas station i saw him waving for me.. i took a big gulped and put my heart on the line.. i pulled up beside him.. opened the door and said hey get in its cold.. he was a very sarcastic person like i am.. so i figured this would break the ice. and it really did when he got in to my car he has this smile that didn't stop..
I took him back to my home and we just sat on the couch spending time with my boys which fell in love him immediately and when i saw this i let my heart go.. He didn't talk about sex at all which i found a bit weird.. but at the same time i really loved it.. i loved being surprised.. i felt like that was super private and i enjoy that my par of my life private. It was nice so many men really only messaged me to get in my pants which i wasn't having till i knew they were out for more than my damn lady parts.. He stayed the night .. it was so romantic.. he helped me put my kids to bed.. they loved it.. we ate dinner together.. he met my parents they loved him...everything was going great nothing could go wrong.. he left 2 days later..and i really didn't want him to leave.. and at 2 months he moved in with us.. and by 3 months we were engaged.. i had high hopes from the beginning and it hasn't ended .. we laugh together so hard .. we bring so much to each other life that i couldn't imagine my life with anyone else.. our boys have only known him as dad.. and we got pregnant after 10 months of dating.. but miscarried and then got pregnant one month later with isabelle.
Life is pretty amazing i have to say.. he just gets me like no one else does in my life.. he is my true best friend .. we fight.. we make up.. he annoys me.. i annoy him.. he has always talked about a future with me.. he always talks about our wedding, our babies. and our home.. when he kisses me . i can still feel those butterflies.. when he hugs me i feel surrounded by light and nothing but love.. When i sleep beside him i feel nothing but peace .. we have small fights due to opinion.. sometimes we just don't agree and that is alright if we didn't fight i would seriously think something is wrong. When i am sad.. he stays close around me to make sure that i am alright.. We share through blood our daughter izzy and are hoping for more.. we will be blessed if god gives us 1 or 2 more.. can't say what happens in future.. but something great is coming i know
We have chosen our wedding date as 08/07/2016 , A beautiful Sunday , we are getting married outside our city in the deep forest besides a peaceful crystal clear lake.. We will have our closest friends and family near us.. and our children.. i know when i stand in front of him and resite my vows i will get flashbacks of our whole life together 3 years.. later i still feel like he knows me the best.. i feel like our souls are in-twined and are one.. i defiantly feel like our love is strong to face anything and our issues that we had gone through is only making us stronger for the future.. im certain of this..
I can't imagine stepping in to marriage with anyone else.. actually i don't want to.. he is the only one i will walk down the isle again.. he is the only one i will commit to like i have.. he is the only one who makes me feel alive.. He is my soulmate without a doubt.. our love is powerful and i can't wait to grow old with him.. best days of our life .
Questions about our wedding?
Location: I can not give the exact details of where we will say i do.. due to privacy reasons but i will say that it is high in the forest.. beside a beautiful breathtaking lake.
Who is invited? Only a handful of people
Why wasn't everyone invited? because this is my second marriage.. and as much as i want to share it with the world.. i honestly feel like the people invited are the ones who are true.. truly happy for us.. who know my past deeply and don't judge me for it
Will you post pictures? Absolutely
Will your children be involved? Yes, deeply
What are your colors? Red and Black (hubby's favorite colors.. i love the red we chose.. i believe it stands for deep love and this represents us)
Are your children excited? Yes, they are very excited.. not that know the official step but they are excited to be apart of something that makes us happy
Aren't you common law now? Yes we have been coming law for awhile.. so when i say our "official wedding" What i'm really saying is that we will have some documents to prove we are husband and wife.. legalities aren't important to us.. but their a few things like.. getting our boys last names changed to my married name.. Monty taking them as his boys (adopting them) ,
Will you have more kids? Yes, currently trying for baby #4 and maybe baby #5 who knows what life brings
I hope i have answered all your questions , i am lucky to be able to share my life .. as public as it is im happy to have this little bit of privacy..
28 year old Mom of 3 under 6 (2 boys 1 girl), TTC baby #4, Married to my soul mate, Photographer, nail artist, amazon reviewer, fashion addict, Looking to make a postive impact on this world one story at a time. I am looking to inspire people with love and peace