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As an 18 year old i was fearful of the world but by 6 months in to being 18 i had been to all of the bars you could imagine almost eveynight of my life.. i had parited at home, at friends homes, with my sister and her friends.. everywhere.. i would go out in the middle of the night just to walk to the liquior store.. so i felt like i was well versed in the bars and clubs and the partying lifetstyle.. Everytime i had gone to the bar or anywhere drinking i always went with a buddy or a group of people this way i felt like i had someone to watch my back.. and me and my girlfriend had gone all the time .. we always looked out for eachother .. we were just like sisters i couldn't imagine lookjing out for anyone else how deeply i watched out for her. Since i tried with my older sister but she got to far to quick in the bad side of life that i just couldn't save her.. she had to save herself.. although she never did. sadly
This one particular night i was finished work at 5 and i really wanted to go out.. alchoal was an excape from what was home .. and home was my paresnt always upset by my sisters actions and their was tonns of yelling.. and my sister was beyond harsh to me.. she truly acted like she hated me from birth ... and she just had a baby out of any kind of relationship , you can say it was a month long one night stand that she got pregnant and my parents and i jumped in to help but at 18 i really was in the mindset that i didnt want kids.. atleast not yet.. it just wasnt something i felt i was the best to have.. i was so distructing to myself , i was so hurt .. i was just finding who i was at tha ttme.. i certainly knew i didn;t want to bring a beautful soul in to this world.. and create likfe when i needed to create my life myself.. so home wasn't an option on this particular night..
I wasn't able to get any friends to come out with me.. my bestie was busy so i took it upon myself to go to this particular bar that we had gone to a million times.. we were VIP always and i knew the owners.. i knew all the bouncers .. I knew the bartenders , i felt some sort of protected their.. so i get all ready and go down their.. and get my few drinks i am feeling good.. i get more confidence.. so i started dancing on the dance floor since i love to dance.. everything was doing good i was having a blast alone.. and i had danced with a few guys but never had gotten that close.. i was on my way out of the dance floor and this black guy stops me and puts my hand on his private pars and says something and i pulled my hand away and said no i am leaving.. and kept saying no.. but he was obsessed already.. so i stupidly put my number in his phone and said okay give me a call and we will hang out and party sounds good.. i didn't have any intentions of taking his calls.. i just gave my number to leave... god only knows how when we are drunk we still know our number.. i know this wasy my mistake..
3 days pass and he calls me obsessivly .. more than 10 calls a day to ask when i want to come out and party.. so i ignored most of them but then i was like you know im probably being rude and standing him up.. he wanted to dance.. and seemed nice.. another mistake misjudging people.. So i called him back and he sounded excited that he was able to hang out in my busy schedle .. so we picked a date which was just the next day.. he picked me up down the street from my home because i never let anyone know my full address.. just for saftey of my family and my little nephew.. i got in his car and immediatly i had gotten this sinking feeling i had never gotten before.. i brushed it off to just nerves .. he was fine just normally driving he wasnt doing anything weird of noticable.. so then he said do you want to rent a movie or go to my house.. I was exstremly nervous.. i was shaking and he told me dont worry he had a DVD playing in his car and we could watch it their.. so i said yea lets do that.. we went to rent a movie.. he kept his distance from me . which i was like okay no problem he was probably nervous to..
We got back in the car and he tricked me .. he said soemthing in afraican and i was like what i dont' understand.. then we drove for about half an hour until we got to the south west side of my city i refused to get out i had no clue where we were just in front of some random house,, then he got out and came to the passenger side and told me to get out.. with a mean voice.. i said alright i guess. i mean what else was i suppose to do.. but when i got out my spriti guides and angels were standing on the corner of the street yelling at me .. saying no don't go in.. no .. no..no.. i didn;t listen .. i figured i was brave and could handle myself fine. We got in to his house and i sat on the couch .. and was unaware that their were 2 other roomates home at the time. and awake.. by this time was atleast midnight or 1 am. I was still terribly nervous.. and he then sat down beside me and i jumped .. he laughed.. and we shook it off.. he then asked me if i wanted to look at something cool he bought in his bedroom and i said sure .. he stuck pretty close to me when i went to the bedroom which made my stomach sink.. my bad feeling was still their.. getting worse actually.. he then pushed me to the bed and then i panicked.. he held me their . and then flipped me over.. i stuffed my face in the pillow screaming and crying.. it went from bad to worse.. when i looked at his night table i could see a gun and that made me panic. and when i looked at his half open closest i could see 2 feet.. watching.. this made me panic even worse..
He sadly came inside me . good thing i was on birth control this part of my life.. or else i probably would have gone for an abortion in that point in my life.. When he was done he left the room for awhile.. and i couldn't stop crying .. he came back eating and said whats wrong.. i felt like if i said anything else he would of done more.. and maybe even beat me. so i shut up.. but when he left the guy in the closest left to.. beyond horrifying... I then begged him to take me home.. he couldn;t understnad why i wanted to rush home.. he shook his head and said why.. i said i just need to go home.. crying. he knew damn well what had happen .. we drove for awhile.. didnt know where we were and i didnt; ask.. the drive back was horrible .. he didnt; speak.. neither did i .. he never gave me his name.. i never gave my last name.. and when he dropped me off on the side of the road so i could walk to my house .. it was about 15 minute walk from my home.. i just didn;t want my parents to see my crying .. or wake them up .. my sister was usually up all hours because of my nephew in the first few weeks.. and months .. with my mother so i took the time to walk and take the time to stop crying and dry up my tears and clear my head ..
Once i got home i never spoke to anyone.. i got up in the afternoon it was my one day a week off.. since i worked 6 days most days.. i got up like nothing was wrong .. no one asked.. no one was lead to beleive i wasn;t okay.. i didn;t get a rape kit done.. i felt like the poilice already were not helping my abused friend from her boyfriend.. so why would they help me.. I just continued with my life.. it really struck a cord with me.. I definatly stopped going out more.. and this is when i started drinking not for fun or with my girilfriends but i started drinking to cover this secret. that killed me inside. I took care of my nephew .. having fun with him.. i never was around him or held him when i was loaded.. i always made sure he never saw me like that. i made sure my whole family couldn't tell what was wrong.. in the following year things got worse.. i started being more provocative. i started sleeping around to get back and men for the pain that guy did to me.. i drank way to much and danced my heart out.. but i made rules i would never go to the bar or any place with booze alone...it effected me physcologically pretty bad but what was i going to do.. i felt terrible guilt for giving out my number and agreeing to watch a movie with him.. at 18 i felt indestructable..
I felt like i had caused this or led this guy on.. i felt honestly like i deserved it.. if thats what i truly did.. i coudln't call hte cops because i didnt know his name.. couldn't remmber it.. I really just tried to live and put it behind me.. i kept this secret of this rape until i was 22.. Never telling a soul.. untl the only time my aunt found me out was when she had a a dream about what had happened and called me in a panic asked what happened .. i told her and she broke down in tears.. it was the only time i was able to tell someone... and then i told my mom.. dad and sister.. my dad didn't deal with it well he just didn;t talk about it.. I was okay with that i didn't want to talk about it either.
and from then on i have never spoken about it again.. i am writing this to try and help someone in the world know that you are not alone.. things happen to the best of us. but this is the advice i would like to give to anyone out their that is new to the bar and party scene
----> DO NOT .go yourself , always have a buddy. even to the bathroom
----> ALWAYS have a way out.. a taxi.. a mom to meet at 2 am.. a friend to pick you up
----> NEVER give out your number.. give out your facebook.. snapchat. something impersonal until you get to know the person and then give out your phone number
----> If the guy is super pushy.. this will tell you he wants sex. and will do anything to get it
----> If the guy calls more than 5 times a day.. and you don't even know him.. this is not a good sign
-----> If you have a BAD GUT feeling.. get out .. you may not want to stick around to find out what the bad feeling is for
-----> DONT EVEN GIVE YOUR HOME ADDRESS
-----> When i went to the bar later in my life. i always went with a fake name.. i never told my real name until i really was interested. or he was..
----->TELL authoritites no matter if you don't know his name.. just a phone number.. even if it is documented and you get a rape kit. this will help when they do it again and their DNA will come up and maybe be able to help someone else
----> NEVER let a guy buy you a tonn of drinks. they always think they own you and you owe them something ,, meaning sex
I hope my story helps someone.. in the world. I hope hearing my story will make the younger generation thnk twice about being so open even when drinking
be safe always
Lisa marie fernande Poppy high waisted bikini
Dorothy perkins silver shimmer tote bag
womens steve madden werki gladiator sanadl
boohoo megan plait edge straw floppy hat
ABS by allen schwartz
Yellow Nail Polish:
julep in the color Dawn
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Care to danse by OPI
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Blue Nail Polish
What i like about blue by China Glaze
Black Nail Pen:
Tools to create this look:
UV Gel in Clear:
White Peel Off:
6 Colors (Base to Top Coat)
3 Nail Brushes:
Nail Polish Holder
Rhinestone Wax Pencil Picker:
Electric Nail File
As a 16 year old girl i had just graduated school and i had liked one guy who had told me that he never liked me that way , so i accepted that and i was on this chat site as was popular at that time , internet wan't that big but it was getting big .. so i tried all these chat rooms , i had found a few people to talk with, since i felt very sheltered switching from public school to private it was hard for me to talk to men.. i didn't know how .. and i was not going to ask my mom about how to talk to men..
As i spent a few hours each night on this chat site on my black and white new cell phone that took forever to load any pages.. i found this guy named David who was much older than me he was 25 and i had just turned 16.. we began to talk every night i felt like i had someone to talk to . about real life things.. finally someone who liked me for me.. He had lived in Montreal at the time with his adoptive parents and i lived still in my childhood home with my parents, and my sister. I tried to talk to my mom about how special he made me feel but she didn't trust that he was real or that he was good for me., i didn't understand at the time where she was coming from since i wasn't a mom yet i didn't understand her worries or her amount of love for me in case some guy took her little girl away .
I never kept secrets from my mom 99% of what i did in life my mother knew about.. didn't matter if she didn't agree with it.. or we fought about it .. she still knew everything in my life, we are not really mother and daughter we are best friends.. soul sisters. I continued to talk to this David guy for a few months until he asked me the biggest favor and that was if i could help him get to Calgary to start a new life.. and that he would move in with me and my family.. i asked my mother and since i was excited and fell head over heels with this guy my mom hesitantly agreed and payed the plane ticket for him on her credit card..
Fast forward a few months we were so in love, i was working days upon days and time began to slip away from me , i had my 18th birthday bash which was the best party that was ever thrown for me and through it all David was standing beside me partying it up.. we were enjoying life.. i felt like we were so young but he took me under his wing those first 6 months .. i gave me virginity to him .. I wanted to give it someone who loved me and appreciated me, i really felt at the time it was him.
Fast forward another few months..and then time got away from us .. we broke up a few times.. my sister had her little man when i was 18 and then i had my 19th birthday bash.. but but by this time.. i felt like me and David were drifting apart.. i felt like i was working 6 days a week and trying to get my career off the ground and since he was a bit older than me .. i believe that he wanted the same things as me.. i slowly was accepting this wasn't the truth.. i really wanted to believe in love and fantasy and weddings and babies but their was something in my soul that said i just didn't feel what he felt anymore.. i really wanted to live my life before settling down and i think so did he but he couldn't tell me..
We began to avoid each other he would go party with his friends.. and i would go party with my friends.. he was terrible at working and i loved work .. i worked 6 days a week and i was climbing up the chain as fast as i could run up the ladder.. but i didn't feel like he really wanted me anymore.. i felt like i gave him a chance to live in this beautiful city and he just kicked me in the face.. i was going to end it way sooner than things really went south.. but i just couldn't i really believed in him and i ... the fights got worse and more intense.. which scared me .. i had been bullied but this was much worse. My heart was letting go further and further at every fight..
I was now turning 20 and working at my 3rd store.. and running 3 more.. and then my team lead was telling me about her partying fun on the saturday that had passed.. and as i was listening she kept saying her best friends new boyfriend was pretty awesome.. he was funny.. she said he was bald but he was sexy .. my heart sank....... i said what is his name.. she said i think David or Dave.. my heart sank further.. it didn't click in that she had been talking about this guy for 3 months at her parties.. i put two and two together and figured out that he had been cheating on me for 3 months .. every night my team lead would talk about him i would mentally take note that my boyfriend had went out to party with him friends.. little did i know it was a whole car full of girls and his new girlfriend..
This was a moment in my life that really broke me to the core.. i spent another week trying to figure out what to say to him or how to end it.. i really thought well maybe i will give him a chance .. and then another chance.. how many chances am i going to give this guy... every night i came home from work he wasn't their.. So i finally got up the courage to tell him i knew what he had been doing for the last 3 months .. so he suddenly stopped coming home.. i would lay in my bed after work and cry and cry.. it hurt so bad.. he would connect with me on MSN but hardly come back to my house.. i felt extremely lonely .. I had given him a long long letter than explained that i knew what he did and i didn't want apart of it.. it killed me but for my happiness i had to let him go.. he read the letter right in front of me and he cried and i cried he begged and begged to stay but by this time he really made me so upset i really didn't care because i was so unbelievably hurt.
Earlier in our relationship i had engraved a silver promise ring for him.. and in the inside it said my name and his name and that i love you.. he took it off his finger and left it on my coffee table... i slept with that ring for months.. and the frame he had engraved me.. I really went back and forth of what did i want.. what did i need in life.. i really didn't know. I tried to be friends with my ex but watching his social media with other girls really hurt me.. and i really needed to let go.. Our friendship was terrible so we didn't speak for 3 years.. and suddenly one day he decided to come back to me and i was going to allow us to start something again even if it was just friends.. We had subs and then we went home and watched movies and talked and talked and talked it was a great moment to let go of all the pain..
But when he called me a few days later i got slapped in the face again when he told me he thought he had gotten 3 girls pregnant... turns out he only got 1 girls pregnant and the other two were just lying.. typical eh i really felt like what the hell.. so i again walked away and he went on his way he messages sometimes.. and i like that he keeps in contact.. He at this moment is over 35 and i am almost 30 .... life is very different now.. we have hashed out our differences.. their is no love their for a relationship we sorted that out many many moons ago... he is now a big brother for me.. he looks out for me.. and i watch his love for his daughter growing up and getting big and he watches me and my beautiful babies and husband who means everything to me.. I have found peace in the past.. and the first love i felt .. and how it ended.. i think so did he.. i forgive him and i hope he forgives me for my rage of anger when i found out he cheated for so long.. and my mean words..
I try everyday to better myself then the day before.. its not always easy.. and its not always easy seeing the fight from the other persons eyes. but its something i really try hard to do.. He is happy for me in getting married took me twice before i got it right.. but he is like the goofy uncle the kids think is funny.. He still sings and plays guitar beautifully like he use to when i was young.. but we are friends.. and good friends.. i know he will always love me as a friend and i will always do the same.. I hope he will find peace and love in the future.. and i am happy that i was a stepping stone in his life to be able to enjoy the time we had together.. it was a blast for the most part.. he made me laugh my guts out.. they say people come in to your life for many reasons.. he was just apart of the story that did his job whatever it was and i was able to set him free. I have no regrets.. i have no pain about the situation.. i have closed that book a long time ago.. i wish him and his daughter nothing but the best
Until next time
At this point in my life i took the bus to work .. i lived 2 hours away from where i worked so i always got up early .. i did my normal commute on this specific day .. i was 18 at the time.. and social media was just starting at this point .. so dating apps and sites where you could hook up with random people without strings were really coming out.. So i decided to try a few of them.. their was some fun their was some hell and their is some i still laugh about to this day.
On this day i was half way through my travels to work.. and this guy behind me had tapped me on the shoulder to ask where something specific was in the area so i took out my earphones and i told him.. then i put them back in my ears and continued my trip to work.. i didn't think anything of it .. random people ask me questions all the time.. they see im a nice person.. so when i had gotten home i had a few messages in my inbox on these dating sites.. so i checked them .. wasn't really anything interesting .. i flirted a bit .. when on msn a bit and then went to study in college..
A few weeks later i had gotten this odd message on one of my social medias saying thank you for the directions and he was wondering if we could go on a date.. ??? this was completely odd to me as i didn't really remember this person .. so since my mind was hazy since i was super busy .. so i agreed to go on a date with this man.. We then planned a few days later .. We decided we would just be low key go to dinner and then hang out at my house since i really wasn't their much . We had a lot of fun on this date.. he was sweet and funny .. it was a nice break from what i normally was doing day to day in my life.. One thing led to another and we ended up having sex .. it was fun .. didn't have any issues.. He then went his separate way and so did i .. didn't think of anything was wrong..
I didn't hear from him for a few months.. i was so busy that it didn't bother me .. i never was a clingy person.. if i had fun with someone i let it go.. if their was more then sure i would do more.. if their was a connection.. but most of them were friends and i wasn't upset One day out of the blue he had messaged me and it was a normal conversation .. hey how r u .. things of that nature .. then he said you gave me an STD that's why i never called you again.. .. now let me explain i was shocked.. and blown away.. i had always been super clean with myself .. i never had any kind of std . i knew exactly who i was sleeping with and when .. and i always made sure they were clean before anything happened.. i felt that as a young woman i needed to protect myself against anything that could damage my future.. so i knew i was very very clean.. and he kept up with his story about how this was something he was so upset about.. and i kept questioning him and.. finally after about half an hour of fumbling through the questions.. he said .. i just didn't like you.. i was devestated. because i felt like i had this massive news thrown at me trying to figure out my whole sexual life.. and what did i do to this person.. i felt horrible.. but when i got down to the truth he hung up the phone on me and we never spoke again.
In this i have learned that men will make up any story they can to get away from you.. for whatever reason .. most of the time it is for another woman.. or that they didn't like something about you that was minimal.. never take this to heart.. i am sharing my dating stories to give a voice to all those girls and guys out their going thorugh these terrible dates.. my advice to you is hold your head up high and keep moving.. if you are clean and have proof to back that up when you give that to your sexual partners.. you will have nothing to hide and the liars will come out.. in this case they did..
Hope you enjoyed my latest installment of my worst dates.. more to come .. let me know what your worst date was ?
Lucluc tassle sweater
Maurices plus size lace tank
DEX washed out distressed blue jeans
sergio rossi puzzle sandals
43MM silver peach raw
Doesn't fit around my neck as it is to small so i like to have it loosly on my wrist
Monique Vanader rose gold
Avenue always oval sunglasses
Walant womens beach coverup
Madwell off the shoulder broderie shirt
Fat face demiem wash
Havanians you metalic flip flops
Napier deniem the way silver tone and blue cushion cut drop earrings
Lara sheer coverup
shoesdazzle --> paisley in orange
Fox splash beach tote in fushia
Kate spade stackable
Fragments golden hoop earrings
Dior split lens
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Dec 5 2015
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This product was sent to me at a highly discount price for my honest opinion , all opinions are my own and are not any different if the product was free.. discounted ..or regular price.. my opinions are true and honest .
28 year old Mom of 3 under 6 (2 boys 1 girl), TTC baby #4, Married to my soul mate, Photographer, nail artist, amazon reviewer, fashion addict, Looking to make a postive impact on this world one story at a time. I am looking to inspire people with love and peace