March 7th 2017 was another normal Tuesday , where my husband had to work the morning so i had decided to go walk my son back from school .. I had done this a million times , it didn't bother me .. i didn't think to much about it.. it's my responsibility to go drop off and pick up my child. so i was defiantly okay going to pick him up. I woke up in the morning and drove him to school . i had noticed that it was cold -18 with the windchill.. their was a new dusting of snow . it had snowed on and off all week the week before all through the weekend .. i didn't think to much of it.. it was winter sometimes we get really cold winters and sometimes we get really mild ones.
It had turned about 845 and as i was in the kitchen getting our son's breakfast and suddenly i was hit with this feeling deep in my stomach that something was wrong with picking up Nathan. something told me not to walk that morning.. I had told my husband that i think it is better if i take the car this morning.. but their was no way we could with just one car at this current time. I cried and gave my husband a half hug because i was angry with him.. i figured i would apologize later as i felt that everything would be okay and i was overreacting. I never expected what happened next.
I had waited until the time to go get my son.. as i walked up my normal route everything was fine.. i got my son from his bus stop and then we were chatting about school and how his morning was and then we started walking home.. He was happy and i was happy.. I had looked around and mention to my son that things around our area looked really bare without a lot of people around.. I had seen about 3 people in my 4 block journey which i had found a little weird.
I had made a split decision to go take the 2 alleys behind the main road .. I had been walking carefully and been telling Nathan to be careful as i didn't want him to slip on the ice, We both had our winter gear on to make sure we were well prepared in case of a fall. I figured i could handle it ... like i did everything else in life.. just kept going things would fall in to place. But this time i had looked down for a split second as i had walked around this one icy spot and suddenly i had felt myself slipping.. their was nothing to grab on to because i was half way in the middle of the ally.. I couldn't make myself stop .. it felt like i had been slipping in slow motion, as i figured i would just slip and i would be okay .. I suddenly felt my leg pop and expand to 10 times the size.. all i could hear in my head was "OH SHIT" .. suddenly it was like lights out in my brain.. I had completely blacked out..
I felt myself falling since i could no longer stand on my leg.. while i was blacking out .. I had rolled in to the snow bank .. and the hospital believes i had hit my head on the ground at some point just don't know which point. When i came to i felt so much pain.. i felt like my foot was completely detached from my leg bone.. I suddenly was blacking in and out because the pain was horrible.. the worst pain i had ever felt in my life.. My son went around me and said "Mommy get up.. get up " and i replied crying "I can't Nathan.. i think i broke my foot" His face went white and i saw that he was scared .. I was scared.. i suddenly was panicking and trying to figure out how to get help.. i suddenly went in to survival mode.. i held myself up by a recycle bin that i had leaned my back up against.. to look and see who i could find.. i kept screaming and screaming and crying .. i could hear myself screaming help through 2 alleys.. echoing ..
Suddenly appeared this black car coming toward me.. i kept waving my hands hoping he wouldn't turn and that he would help me.. He had gotten out of the car and i had told him i needed him to call an ambulance .. when he bent down to talk to me.. i could see his big brown eyes.. filled with so much light and love.. I have felt so many different connections in this life but nothing compared to this one.. i suddenly had this feeling like things would be okay .. i had felt that he was my angel.. He was meant to find me. He did everything for me.. got me a blanket until the ambulance got to me.. he helped the emergency workers help me on to the stretcher.. he took my phone .. my car keys and my son and met my mom and sister at my house .. he waited until my husband got their.. he then came back to the ambulance and gave me my phone back and told me that things would be okay.. I just was in shock .. in a very very vulnerable place .. I had to let my guard down to get emergency help.. this was so hard for me.. because he was a stranger.. He had told my husband later that he would like to be updated on how i am doing and he came to my rescue because on his way out for a smoke to go run some errands before his work at 2pm.. He said that he heard me screaming from a block and a half away and knew he needed to find what was going on.. I am beyond grateful for people like him in this world..I honestly thought people were so cold that they would never help but then their is a glimpse of hope..
I was then taken to the nearest hospital , i remember i wanted to talk to my father as i was scared and i knew my dad had broken his ankle when i was a child.. i watched him go through it all ..so i called him from the ambulance and then when i got to the hospital.. my dad has always been a super calm person in the face of turmoil .. i have only watched him a few times in my life get really angry or stressed.. can't say it was often, I had not talked to anyone else yet besides a small bit to my sister ..I had this feeling like maybe my dad would like to hear from me.. i know my mother would tell him i was okay but this time it was beyond serious .. i felt like it was something i needed to do. They had given me an IV right away and started pumping me with morphine because of the pain was so bad.. since my foot was still in my boot they had to get it off to see the damage .. they had to open up the back door and then wait for the morphine to take effect so that they could then pull my boot off.. either way i still screamed , the drugs did not take all the pain away.. the morphine would only last for 10 minutes at the most and i would be back to hyperventilating and screaming. I was able to calm down a small bit by the time we arrived at the first hospital.. the triage nurse had told us that i would be waiting for a bed in the hallway just like i was with drugs every 10 minutes for another 24 hours.. The ambulance drivers were appalled to say the least as was i.. so i got put back in the ambulance and was taken to a smaller hospital a little further away in my city.. Although this wasn't a big hospital it was able to fix and do minor things.. as i soon found out my break was not simple or easy to fix..
As we arrived to the next hospital the doctors put my int he x ray room and took those immediately which then they could see how bad my break was.. I had broken everything in my ankle that i could break.. i severed my leg bone from my ankle bone.. I broke the back and both bones in my leg.. It was really bad.. after the x rays they had put my in to the emergency triage and pumped me full of morphine every 10 minutes for the next 2 hours. which was hell.. i was in and out of consciousness .. didn't really cry because i felt i was to high to cry.. my sister and husband got in to the waiting room about half an hour after i got to my room.. but they would not let them come in at this moment because about 3 doctors and 5 nurses were telling me that they needed to try and reset my foot so that i could have surgery on my foot.. they gave me hydro morphine.. morphine and fentanyol. i don;t know the dosages but it was meant to make me sleep so i didn't feel them putting my bones back.. but they had tried twice and it didn't work i felt everything all i did was scream and then black out.. then my sister and my husband were allowed to see me.. which was great i needed to see someone else then the personnel around.. even though they were extremely nice to me throughout this whole process.. i still needed my family with me.. We sat their awhile and then my sister had to go home .. then my husband had to head to the next hospital because i was being transferred back to the big hospital were i would await surgery . As the doctors had kept giving me morphine my blood pressure began to slip .. from the normal that it always is .. it finally went to 79/34 which made them panic.. i was very drugged up so the panic really wasn't their for me.. Because of this they could not give me any drugs for my transfer in the ambulance until my blood pressure went back up .
I was screaming and crying in pain the bumps made it extremely painful .. the guys that were transporting me looked like a deer in the headlights .. didn't know how to help me at all.. he was saying the wrong things making me angry., he then brought me in to emergency and waited with me which was great .. until he wasn't paying attention while he was nervously looking around i'm not sure. but then his belt he was wearing slammed in to my foot.. i lost my mind yelled at him and almost got off my stretcher to punch him.. just so inconsiderate !!!!!! I was back again crying in pain.. at this point my foot felt like it was being crushed and everything inside was snapping.. the most pain i have ever felt in my life.. i would do 10 c sections again rather than have broken bones. They then took me in to a room where they finally had given me some more morphine so i was calm enough to talk to the surgeon .. I was able to calm down only for a short amount of time before the pain returned. All of a sudden as me and my husband sit in this small room with a curtain between me and another lady .. a bunch of doctors and nurses came in and told me that it was time to re set the bones in my foot that the previous hospital couldn't do.. they informed me they had tried twice. i was so drugged up i only thought they tried once.
They had rushed my husband out of the room for a few minutes .. i guess they were afraid of him falling or screaming.. not sure.. as they crowded me they had started administering the drug propoval .. which as soon as this hit my blood it knocked me out .. as if i blacked out again.
When i woke up awhile later my foot was in a temporary cast and i felt so much better.. i wasn't in terrible pain like i was.. i wasn't screaming and i didn't feel my foot was going to fall off.. I had then been admitted to the hospital where i got moved around a few times within my 5 day stay awaiting and recovering surgery .. March 10th 2017 i had surgery .. which the doctors put in 11 screws and 2 metal plates .. I have 2 incisions because they had to open my foot on the right side to be able to make sure the plates were put in properly .. March 20th 2017 ( 10 Days Post OP) i got my surgical cast removed and i got put in a fiberglass one on which i have on until it gets removed April 20th 2017 and then depending on how it heals i will be put in a walking cast or in another fiberglass cast .. and then i will be in rehab for another 7 visits.
Update: At this current time i had been in my fiberglass cast for 4 weeks ... I will update with another blog post as the next phase begins.. (Cast coming off.. learning to walk again.. and my journey of what i have learned from this terrible experience)
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until next time
We decided when isabelle was a year that we would start trying for our 4th baby since hubby took a year helping me see that a 4th baby would be a great edition to our family . So 2016 we went in to it hopeful.. and determined to have our next baby.. Since my back had broke and tilted to the side during my last pregnancy , i had been in incredible pain since our daughter was 3-4 months old.. my doctor had told me that it would be best for me to try medications so i spent the next year and a half trying to find out what had worked for me and what didn't, i felt like a guinea pig to be truthful trying all these medications that didn't work for me.. from Tramadol to gabapentin and everything in between , We finally settled on morphine which i absolutely hate!!!! but i needed to get myself better for my family so i did what i had to .. time went on and my doctor knew i was trying for another baby and was very okay with me getting pregnant .. but she had some reservations with me on morphine telling me that when we get to a certain point in my pregnancy before birth we will have to ween me off so that my baby would be healthy, i was extremely hesitant but with the doctors okay i felt more secure in our choice to expand our family.
1-> Does anyone every vanish without a trace ?
No i don't think they do, i really think if you have vanished without a trace i think you had a good plan and a lot of help to get you out of your life
2--->Have You Ever Had A Long Lasting Disease?
No i never had.. nothing long lasting
3--->Do You Have Any Undiscovered Or Hidden Talents? If So, What?
Photography is my undiscovered talent, i believe art in beauty is my hidden talent , i will be tapping more in to that this year with beauty, and makeup and art
4-->Are Looks Important In A Relationship?
No, i don't think that they are, i think that you can be attracted to so many things about a person but i also do feel that you love them for who they are i do believe that you have to have some attraction to love all of them
5-->Do You Have Anything That You Especially Like In Another Person?
Integrity and gratitude
6-->Are You More Like Your Mom Or Your Dad?
7-->Have You Ever Stood Up For Someone You Hardly Knew?
No never, i always make sure i know the whole story and who they are before i start defening them in big situations
8--->Have You Ever Felt Like You Hit Rock Bottom?
yes i have hit rock bottom twice in my life
9-->Have You Heard Of Any Successful "Love Potions?
I have heard about a few, laughed at some more, but none that worked when i was single lol
10-->Are You A Touchy & Feely Person?
with my hubby very much
11-->Are You Artistic And Creative?
12-->Do You Dream Often?
All the time , sometimes i have panic attacks because my visions and dreams are so strong
13-->Have You Ever ate Crocodile Or Snake Meat?
never , and i never would
14-->Have You Ever Had A Spending Problem?
yes when i was 18-20 i defiantly had a shopping addiction
15-->Do You Think Fairy Tales Influence Our Choice Of A Partner?
this is a very interesting question , i think how you were raised, your faith, your experiences , your choices , what books you read, what your interests are i think this all influences your choice on your choice of partner
16-->Have You Ever Had Surgery On Your Nose?
never i like my nose
17-->Do You Prefer Facebook, Twitter, Snapchat, Or Neither?
18-->Do You Think The Family Of A Murder Victim Should Have Any Say In What Punishment Is Given To The Murderer?
yes i do , this would let them find peace
19-->Do You Think That Age Difference Is Important When Dating?
depends what the age is.. i believe that after 18 in Canada and 21 in the states you can do whatever you want or date whatever age you want i think other than that , younger than those ages your parents should have the final say
20-->Are You An Emotional Person?
deeply emotional person
21-->Do You Really Know All The Words To Your National Anthem?
yes i do
22-->Are You Named After A Grandparent?
yes my great grandma on my mothers side
23-->Have You Ever Had A Crush On An Animated Character?
24-->Have You Ever Loaned Money To Your Friends And Family?
yes i have
25-->Do You Like Soda Or Pop?
26-->Ever Seen A Therapist?
yes i have
27-->Are You Good At Cooking?
yes i am the woman in my family taught me well
28-->Are You Good At Making New Friends?
yes i can make new friends easily very good at talking to people
29-->Do You Believe That Dreams Can Be Messages From A “Higher Level”?
without a doubt
30-->How Big Is Your Bed?
when i was 20 it was king when i was 25 i switched to queen because we found a bedroom set we loved and they didnt have it in king size
31-->Do You Like Italian Food?
love it !!!!
32-->Did You Have Pets Growing Up?
yes cats, dogs, hamsters and fish
33-->Are You Mostly A Clean Or Messy Person?
34-->Dumbest Purchase You Ever Made?
$300 + clothes a week
35-->How Do You Make Decisions?
i think and think and think over them to make the right one
36-->Ever Toilet Papered Someone’s House?
37-->Do You Get Jealous Easy?
not at all.. i am the most unjealous person
38-->Have You Ever Hated Someone?
yes i have and still do
39-->Do You Read The Bible?
40-->Do You Eat Meat?
41-->For You, What Is The Most Important Thing In Life?
42-->Have You Ever Walked Out On A Movie At The Theater?
yes i have, the movie sucked lol
43-->Do People Underestimate Or Overestimate You?
44-->Do You Think Blind Dates Are A Good Way To Meet Someone Special?
i always have had terrible anxiety since i was 4 so this always scared me deeply , the few i went on really were not good.. and i think it can be great if you like the element of suprise and risk but not me
45-->Reality Show Fan?
yes!!! love reality tv
46-->Do You Like All Your Friends?
not really much anymore lol
47-->Do You Have Strong Feelings About Animals?
i love them deeply
48-->Describe Yourself In A Single Sentence?
senstive, motivated, determined and loved
49-->Do You Believe In The Afterlife?
yes very much so
50-->Have You Ever Had A Crush On A Friend's bf?
51-->Do You Take Showers In The Morning Or At Night More?
depends when i get time but usually at night
52-->How Do You Feel About Gender Roles In The Workplace?
i think that things need to change and woman need to be put on the same level as men
53-->Can You Narrate To Me Your Proudest Moment?
1-my son nathans birth
2-my son tanners birth
3-my daughter izzys birth
4-the day i married my soul mate
54-->Describe Beauty In Less Than 10 Words?
to love you for everything you are inside and out
55-->Did You Ever Wear Braces?
56-->Can You...Uh...Change The Way You Look?
yes u can
57-->Favorite Midnight Snack?
icecream or candy
58-->Have You Ever Been So Drunk That You Blacked Out?
a few times ye s
59-->According To You, How Do We Fight Global Warming?
all countries must devise a plan all together
60-->yes my father
As our wedding day has passed i figured i would do the wedding tag and answer some of the questions you might want to know or are to afraid to ask .. here is all about our big day
1.) How long did you date your spouse, before you got engaged?
we knew right away we were right for each other so we dated about 2 months before hubby proposed on one valentines day
2.) Where did you meet your spouse?
I met him off POF .. a love story off POF .. a beautiful one .. i do have a blog post all about the story
3.) How long was your engagement?
4.) What is your anniversary?
August 7th 2016
5.) How large was your wedding? Guests? Bridal Party?
it was small.. it was my mother, my sister, my father , my mother in law , my sister in law, my nephew, us and our 3 babies thats it .
6.) Who walked you down the aisle?
My father would have normally but instead this time all the guests were just watching
7.) Were you a bridezilla?
yes i really only got to get married officially once and the first time their was no wedding or pictures we were just common law off and on and more times then not.. but since i had his boys i always said i was common law. So the answer is yes i wanted it perfect so at times i was a little feisty lol
8) Why was their only family invited ?
It was only family that was invited and a very small number of family because we did not feel that we needed a big wedding, i know i had promised a few of my friends to be in our wedding and i'm sure they are disappointed but i really am upset that over the last 10 years as my life has had very many huge ups and downs and my babies have been born and i had to took care of them as a single mother for awhile before i met my second husband ,
none of my friends actually came out to see me , their were tons of excuses their were tons of lies told.. drinking .. and staying home was more of a priority for them then actually picking up the phone and giving me a call.. sorry but this is the way it makes me feel . they could have come down to see me but they chose to stay away well so did i .
. its a little hard when i had 2 young boys to travel alone or find a babysitter as a single working mom for friends..When you have babies things change.. i changed.. and my whole world crumpled because i was getting beat at home from my first husband so you have to see that when your friends suddenly don't like your husband but they don't want to come be your friend anymore but pretend your best friends.. well i'm not really going to invite you to my wedding if i feel your being fake all those years. sorry
i really hope people will understand that it was not intentional and we do not hate people we simply feel like a big wedding would not have been appreciated like we would want it to be .. so we basically took our closest family members from both our sides that could get to our deep spot in the woods and went with that . it all worked out . if you have hurt feelings i'm truly sorry but again this was our choice .. maybe friends should have been more of a friend and i would have put you in the wedding maybe you should have been their for me in my darkest times and not even a phone call .. or one phone call once a year just isn't a best friend.
9.) Did you buy your dress new, or handed down?
I bought it new.. my mothers dress was way to yellow and faded and falling apart for me to wear .. we are completely different sizes so this would have never worked
10.) What was your wedding colors/theme?
It was hubby's favorite colors Red/Black .. I was open to pretty much anything but i really wanted him to pick the colors so that i could work around them, of course if they were weird i would have said something and we would have picked something else, but these are the colors we talked about when we first met and talked about and asked each other what we see for our wedding, since we knew we were the one for each other about 2 weeks in to dating
11.) What song did you or your spouse walk down the aisle to?
We did not have a song , we walked down the isle together to get to our spot by the water
12.) What was your something old? Something new? Something borrowed? Something blue?
No we are not traditional people , so we didn't follow this tradition of this blue ideals
13.) Was it a destination wedding?
No it was not , it was deep in the woods just outside our city about 2 hours
14.) What shoes did you wear for the ceremony? BBQ?
15.) Was your dress bustled? If so what type of bustle was it?
No it was no bustled .. i actually decided on a black dress since i couldn't find a red dress in time that i wanted to order online as a big full Cinderella red dress but since our colors were black and red . i chose black , my grandma didn't agree with the colors of our wedding so she and my aunt did not attend (cruel) , black isnt the optimal color for a wedding dress i know but it was our wedding and our choice .. we honestly don't care what people think ..
16.) What was your favorite part of your wedding?
17.) Did you have a reception? Give brief details.. Dancing, dj or mp3, food, throw your bouquet etc?
No we did not have a reception we had a BBQ after which was another intimate family only party with no friends and very little family.. we just ate and sat around and talked and laughed and cuddled w me and my hubby .. very relaxing . just the closest family surrounding us was beautiful exactly what we wanted
18.) Did you smash cake in your spouse's face?
No not at all, we did have cake at our BBQ after but we were so exhausted from the 2 hour drive back and forth to the site where we were married .. we are not rough people , we have big hearts and would not feel happy if we smashed each others faces in the cake .. it wouldn't be funny !!! We had cake the day after , after our dinner .
19.) What types of flowers were in your bouquet?
I had white and red roses , which were fake so that i could save them forever .. i gave the two bridesmaids theirs to keep .. my mother in law had given me big clear plastic bags to keep my bouquet away from dust.. she also did the beginning of the flowers and flowers for all the men and women in our wedding party, but i fixed a few things on a few flowers .. so we both contributed to them
20.) Did you have anything special to represent unity?
Yes our marriage commissioner wrote and said something breathtaking that really hit the core of us , what she said also brought our children in to together . it was so beautiful and meant so much to us
I hope this answers some of your questions about our beautiful private special day that officially joined us as husband and wife .
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As an 18 year old i was fearful of the world but by 6 months in to being 18 i had been to all of the bars you could imagine almost eveynight of my life.. i had parited at home, at friends homes, with my sister and her friends.. everywhere.. i would go out in the middle of the night just to walk to the liquior store.. so i felt like i was well versed in the bars and clubs and the partying lifetstyle.. Everytime i had gone to the bar or anywhere drinking i always went with a buddy or a group of people this way i felt like i had someone to watch my back.. and me and my girlfriend had gone all the time .. we always looked out for eachother .. we were just like sisters i couldn't imagine lookjing out for anyone else how deeply i watched out for her. Since i tried with my older sister but she got to far to quick in the bad side of life that i just couldn't save her.. she had to save herself.. although she never did. sadly
This one particular night i was finished work at 5 and i really wanted to go out.. alchoal was an excape from what was home .. and home was my paresnt always upset by my sisters actions and their was tonns of yelling.. and my sister was beyond harsh to me.. she truly acted like she hated me from birth ... and she just had a baby out of any kind of relationship , you can say it was a month long one night stand that she got pregnant and my parents and i jumped in to help but at 18 i really was in the mindset that i didnt want kids.. atleast not yet.. it just wasnt something i felt i was the best to have.. i was so distructing to myself , i was so hurt .. i was just finding who i was at tha ttme.. i certainly knew i didn;t want to bring a beautful soul in to this world.. and create likfe when i needed to create my life myself.. so home wasn't an option on this particular night..
I wasn't able to get any friends to come out with me.. my bestie was busy so i took it upon myself to go to this particular bar that we had gone to a million times.. we were VIP always and i knew the owners.. i knew all the bouncers .. I knew the bartenders , i felt some sort of protected their.. so i get all ready and go down their.. and get my few drinks i am feeling good.. i get more confidence.. so i started dancing on the dance floor since i love to dance.. everything was doing good i was having a blast alone.. and i had danced with a few guys but never had gotten that close.. i was on my way out of the dance floor and this black guy stops me and puts my hand on his private pars and says something and i pulled my hand away and said no i am leaving.. and kept saying no.. but he was obsessed already.. so i stupidly put my number in his phone and said okay give me a call and we will hang out and party sounds good.. i didn't have any intentions of taking his calls.. i just gave my number to leave... god only knows how when we are drunk we still know our number.. i know this wasy my mistake..
3 days pass and he calls me obsessivly .. more than 10 calls a day to ask when i want to come out and party.. so i ignored most of them but then i was like you know im probably being rude and standing him up.. he wanted to dance.. and seemed nice.. another mistake misjudging people.. So i called him back and he sounded excited that he was able to hang out in my busy schedle .. so we picked a date which was just the next day.. he picked me up down the street from my home because i never let anyone know my full address.. just for saftey of my family and my little nephew.. i got in his car and immediatly i had gotten this sinking feeling i had never gotten before.. i brushed it off to just nerves .. he was fine just normally driving he wasnt doing anything weird of noticable.. so then he said do you want to rent a movie or go to my house.. I was exstremly nervous.. i was shaking and he told me dont worry he had a DVD playing in his car and we could watch it their.. so i said yea lets do that.. we went to rent a movie.. he kept his distance from me . which i was like okay no problem he was probably nervous to..
We got back in the car and he tricked me .. he said soemthing in afraican and i was like what i dont' understand.. then we drove for about half an hour until we got to the south west side of my city i refused to get out i had no clue where we were just in front of some random house,, then he got out and came to the passenger side and told me to get out.. with a mean voice.. i said alright i guess. i mean what else was i suppose to do.. but when i got out my spriti guides and angels were standing on the corner of the street yelling at me .. saying no don't go in.. no .. no..no.. i didn;t listen .. i figured i was brave and could handle myself fine. We got in to his house and i sat on the couch .. and was unaware that their were 2 other roomates home at the time. and awake.. by this time was atleast midnight or 1 am. I was still terribly nervous.. and he then sat down beside me and i jumped .. he laughed.. and we shook it off.. he then asked me if i wanted to look at something cool he bought in his bedroom and i said sure .. he stuck pretty close to me when i went to the bedroom which made my stomach sink.. my bad feeling was still their.. getting worse actually.. he then pushed me to the bed and then i panicked.. he held me their . and then flipped me over.. i stuffed my face in the pillow screaming and crying.. it went from bad to worse.. when i looked at his night table i could see a gun and that made me panic. and when i looked at his half open closest i could see 2 feet.. watching.. this made me panic even worse..
He sadly came inside me . good thing i was on birth control this part of my life.. or else i probably would have gone for an abortion in that point in my life.. When he was done he left the room for awhile.. and i couldn't stop crying .. he came back eating and said whats wrong.. i felt like if i said anything else he would of done more.. and maybe even beat me. so i shut up.. but when he left the guy in the closest left to.. beyond horrifying... I then begged him to take me home.. he couldn;t understnad why i wanted to rush home.. he shook his head and said why.. i said i just need to go home.. crying. he knew damn well what had happen .. we drove for awhile.. didnt know where we were and i didnt; ask.. the drive back was horrible .. he didnt; speak.. neither did i .. he never gave me his name.. i never gave my last name.. and when he dropped me off on the side of the road so i could walk to my house .. it was about 15 minute walk from my home.. i just didn;t want my parents to see my crying .. or wake them up .. my sister was usually up all hours because of my nephew in the first few weeks.. and months .. with my mother so i took the time to walk and take the time to stop crying and dry up my tears and clear my head ..
Once i got home i never spoke to anyone.. i got up in the afternoon it was my one day a week off.. since i worked 6 days most days.. i got up like nothing was wrong .. no one asked.. no one was lead to beleive i wasn;t okay.. i didn;t get a rape kit done.. i felt like the poilice already were not helping my abused friend from her boyfriend.. so why would they help me.. I just continued with my life.. it really struck a cord with me.. I definatly stopped going out more.. and this is when i started drinking not for fun or with my girilfriends but i started drinking to cover this secret. that killed me inside. I took care of my nephew .. having fun with him.. i never was around him or held him when i was loaded.. i always made sure he never saw me like that. i made sure my whole family couldn't tell what was wrong.. in the following year things got worse.. i started being more provocative. i started sleeping around to get back and men for the pain that guy did to me.. i drank way to much and danced my heart out.. but i made rules i would never go to the bar or any place with booze alone...it effected me physcologically pretty bad but what was i going to do.. i felt terrible guilt for giving out my number and agreeing to watch a movie with him.. at 18 i felt indestructable..
I felt like i had caused this or led this guy on.. i felt honestly like i deserved it.. if thats what i truly did.. i coudln't call hte cops because i didnt know his name.. couldn't remmber it.. I really just tried to live and put it behind me.. i kept this secret of this rape until i was 22.. Never telling a soul.. untl the only time my aunt found me out was when she had a a dream about what had happened and called me in a panic asked what happened .. i told her and she broke down in tears.. it was the only time i was able to tell someone... and then i told my mom.. dad and sister.. my dad didn't deal with it well he just didn;t talk about it.. I was okay with that i didn't want to talk about it either.
and from then on i have never spoken about it again.. i am writing this to try and help someone in the world know that you are not alone.. things happen to the best of us. but this is the advice i would like to give to anyone out their that is new to the bar and party scene
----> DO NOT .go yourself , always have a buddy. even to the bathroom
----> ALWAYS have a way out.. a taxi.. a mom to meet at 2 am.. a friend to pick you up
----> NEVER give out your number.. give out your facebook.. snapchat. something impersonal until you get to know the person and then give out your phone number
----> If the guy is super pushy.. this will tell you he wants sex. and will do anything to get it
----> If the guy calls more than 5 times a day.. and you don't even know him.. this is not a good sign
-----> If you have a BAD GUT feeling.. get out .. you may not want to stick around to find out what the bad feeling is for
-----> DONT EVEN GIVE YOUR HOME ADDRESS
-----> When i went to the bar later in my life. i always went with a fake name.. i never told my real name until i really was interested. or he was..
----->TELL authoritites no matter if you don't know his name.. just a phone number.. even if it is documented and you get a rape kit. this will help when they do it again and their DNA will come up and maybe be able to help someone else
----> NEVER let a guy buy you a tonn of drinks. they always think they own you and you owe them something ,, meaning sex
I hope my story helps someone.. in the world. I hope hearing my story will make the younger generation thnk twice about being so open even when drinking
be safe always
Lisa marie fernande Poppy high waisted bikini
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womens steve madden werki gladiator sanadl
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As a 16 year old girl i had just graduated school and i had liked one guy who had told me that he never liked me that way , so i accepted that and i was on this chat site as was popular at that time , internet wan't that big but it was getting big .. so i tried all these chat rooms , i had found a few people to talk with, since i felt very sheltered switching from public school to private it was hard for me to talk to men.. i didn't know how .. and i was not going to ask my mom about how to talk to men..
As i spent a few hours each night on this chat site on my black and white new cell phone that took forever to load any pages.. i found this guy named David who was much older than me he was 25 and i had just turned 16.. we began to talk every night i felt like i had someone to talk to . about real life things.. finally someone who liked me for me.. He had lived in Montreal at the time with his adoptive parents and i lived still in my childhood home with my parents, and my sister. I tried to talk to my mom about how special he made me feel but she didn't trust that he was real or that he was good for me., i didn't understand at the time where she was coming from since i wasn't a mom yet i didn't understand her worries or her amount of love for me in case some guy took her little girl away .
I never kept secrets from my mom 99% of what i did in life my mother knew about.. didn't matter if she didn't agree with it.. or we fought about it .. she still knew everything in my life, we are not really mother and daughter we are best friends.. soul sisters. I continued to talk to this David guy for a few months until he asked me the biggest favor and that was if i could help him get to Calgary to start a new life.. and that he would move in with me and my family.. i asked my mother and since i was excited and fell head over heels with this guy my mom hesitantly agreed and payed the plane ticket for him on her credit card..
Fast forward a few months we were so in love, i was working days upon days and time began to slip away from me , i had my 18th birthday bash which was the best party that was ever thrown for me and through it all David was standing beside me partying it up.. we were enjoying life.. i felt like we were so young but he took me under his wing those first 6 months .. i gave me virginity to him .. I wanted to give it someone who loved me and appreciated me, i really felt at the time it was him.
Fast forward another few months..and then time got away from us .. we broke up a few times.. my sister had her little man when i was 18 and then i had my 19th birthday bash.. but but by this time.. i felt like me and David were drifting apart.. i felt like i was working 6 days a week and trying to get my career off the ground and since he was a bit older than me .. i believe that he wanted the same things as me.. i slowly was accepting this wasn't the truth.. i really wanted to believe in love and fantasy and weddings and babies but their was something in my soul that said i just didn't feel what he felt anymore.. i really wanted to live my life before settling down and i think so did he but he couldn't tell me..
We began to avoid each other he would go party with his friends.. and i would go party with my friends.. he was terrible at working and i loved work .. i worked 6 days a week and i was climbing up the chain as fast as i could run up the ladder.. but i didn't feel like he really wanted me anymore.. i felt like i gave him a chance to live in this beautiful city and he just kicked me in the face.. i was going to end it way sooner than things really went south.. but i just couldn't i really believed in him and i ... the fights got worse and more intense.. which scared me .. i had been bullied but this was much worse. My heart was letting go further and further at every fight..
I was now turning 20 and working at my 3rd store.. and running 3 more.. and then my team lead was telling me about her partying fun on the saturday that had passed.. and as i was listening she kept saying her best friends new boyfriend was pretty awesome.. he was funny.. she said he was bald but he was sexy .. my heart sank....... i said what is his name.. she said i think David or Dave.. my heart sank further.. it didn't click in that she had been talking about this guy for 3 months at her parties.. i put two and two together and figured out that he had been cheating on me for 3 months .. every night my team lead would talk about him i would mentally take note that my boyfriend had went out to party with him friends.. little did i know it was a whole car full of girls and his new girlfriend..
This was a moment in my life that really broke me to the core.. i spent another week trying to figure out what to say to him or how to end it.. i really thought well maybe i will give him a chance .. and then another chance.. how many chances am i going to give this guy... every night i came home from work he wasn't their.. So i finally got up the courage to tell him i knew what he had been doing for the last 3 months .. so he suddenly stopped coming home.. i would lay in my bed after work and cry and cry.. it hurt so bad.. he would connect with me on MSN but hardly come back to my house.. i felt extremely lonely .. I had given him a long long letter than explained that i knew what he did and i didn't want apart of it.. it killed me but for my happiness i had to let him go.. he read the letter right in front of me and he cried and i cried he begged and begged to stay but by this time he really made me so upset i really didn't care because i was so unbelievably hurt.
Earlier in our relationship i had engraved a silver promise ring for him.. and in the inside it said my name and his name and that i love you.. he took it off his finger and left it on my coffee table... i slept with that ring for months.. and the frame he had engraved me.. I really went back and forth of what did i want.. what did i need in life.. i really didn't know. I tried to be friends with my ex but watching his social media with other girls really hurt me.. and i really needed to let go.. Our friendship was terrible so we didn't speak for 3 years.. and suddenly one day he decided to come back to me and i was going to allow us to start something again even if it was just friends.. We had subs and then we went home and watched movies and talked and talked and talked it was a great moment to let go of all the pain..
But when he called me a few days later i got slapped in the face again when he told me he thought he had gotten 3 girls pregnant... turns out he only got 1 girls pregnant and the other two were just lying.. typical eh i really felt like what the hell.. so i again walked away and he went on his way he messages sometimes.. and i like that he keeps in contact.. He at this moment is over 35 and i am almost 30 .... life is very different now.. we have hashed out our differences.. their is no love their for a relationship we sorted that out many many moons ago... he is now a big brother for me.. he looks out for me.. and i watch his love for his daughter growing up and getting big and he watches me and my beautiful babies and husband who means everything to me.. I have found peace in the past.. and the first love i felt .. and how it ended.. i think so did he.. i forgive him and i hope he forgives me for my rage of anger when i found out he cheated for so long.. and my mean words..
I try everyday to better myself then the day before.. its not always easy.. and its not always easy seeing the fight from the other persons eyes. but its something i really try hard to do.. He is happy for me in getting married took me twice before i got it right.. but he is like the goofy uncle the kids think is funny.. He still sings and plays guitar beautifully like he use to when i was young.. but we are friends.. and good friends.. i know he will always love me as a friend and i will always do the same.. I hope he will find peace and love in the future.. and i am happy that i was a stepping stone in his life to be able to enjoy the time we had together.. it was a blast for the most part.. he made me laugh my guts out.. they say people come in to your life for many reasons.. he was just apart of the story that did his job whatever it was and i was able to set him free. I have no regrets.. i have no pain about the situation.. i have closed that book a long time ago.. i wish him and his daughter nothing but the best
Until next time
At this point in my life i took the bus to work .. i lived 2 hours away from where i worked so i always got up early .. i did my normal commute on this specific day .. i was 18 at the time.. and social media was just starting at this point .. so dating apps and sites where you could hook up with random people without strings were really coming out.. So i decided to try a few of them.. their was some fun their was some hell and their is some i still laugh about to this day.
On this day i was half way through my travels to work.. and this guy behind me had tapped me on the shoulder to ask where something specific was in the area so i took out my earphones and i told him.. then i put them back in my ears and continued my trip to work.. i didn't think anything of it .. random people ask me questions all the time.. they see im a nice person.. so when i had gotten home i had a few messages in my inbox on these dating sites.. so i checked them .. wasn't really anything interesting .. i flirted a bit .. when on msn a bit and then went to study in college..
A few weeks later i had gotten this odd message on one of my social medias saying thank you for the directions and he was wondering if we could go on a date.. ??? this was completely odd to me as i didn't really remember this person .. so since my mind was hazy since i was super busy .. so i agreed to go on a date with this man.. We then planned a few days later .. We decided we would just be low key go to dinner and then hang out at my house since i really wasn't their much . We had a lot of fun on this date.. he was sweet and funny .. it was a nice break from what i normally was doing day to day in my life.. One thing led to another and we ended up having sex .. it was fun .. didn't have any issues.. He then went his separate way and so did i .. didn't think of anything was wrong..
I didn't hear from him for a few months.. i was so busy that it didn't bother me .. i never was a clingy person.. if i had fun with someone i let it go.. if their was more then sure i would do more.. if their was a connection.. but most of them were friends and i wasn't upset One day out of the blue he had messaged me and it was a normal conversation .. hey how r u .. things of that nature .. then he said you gave me an STD that's why i never called you again.. .. now let me explain i was shocked.. and blown away.. i had always been super clean with myself .. i never had any kind of std . i knew exactly who i was sleeping with and when .. and i always made sure they were clean before anything happened.. i felt that as a young woman i needed to protect myself against anything that could damage my future.. so i knew i was very very clean.. and he kept up with his story about how this was something he was so upset about.. and i kept questioning him and.. finally after about half an hour of fumbling through the questions.. he said .. i just didn't like you.. i was devestated. because i felt like i had this massive news thrown at me trying to figure out my whole sexual life.. and what did i do to this person.. i felt horrible.. but when i got down to the truth he hung up the phone on me and we never spoke again.
In this i have learned that men will make up any story they can to get away from you.. for whatever reason .. most of the time it is for another woman.. or that they didn't like something about you that was minimal.. never take this to heart.. i am sharing my dating stories to give a voice to all those girls and guys out their going thorugh these terrible dates.. my advice to you is hold your head up high and keep moving.. if you are clean and have proof to back that up when you give that to your sexual partners.. you will have nothing to hide and the liars will come out.. in this case they did..
Hope you enjoyed my latest installment of my worst dates.. more to come .. let me know what your worst date was ?
27 year old Mom of 3 under 5 (2 boys 1 girl), TTC baby #4, Married to my soul mate, Photographer, nail artist, amazon reviewer, fashion addict, Looking to make a postive impact on this world one story at a time. I am looking to inspire people with love and peace